One More Attempt
by Shixam
Summary: Vaan wakes up one morning and something feels a bit off. Maybe it's the fact that somebody else snuck into bed with him? Vaan/Balthier. Now updated with two new chapters!
1. Lost

This was written as part of another writing challenge from Mesmachromatic. We are making each other do oneshots of our most favorite and least favorite pairings. This is my fic for her favorite: Balthier/Vaan.

I do not own FF12 or the characters.

* * *

It seemed to be an unusually warm morning. Normally, Vaan felt rather frozen when he woke up, no matter how many covers he had gathered throughout the night. Today, though, the blankets upon blankets upon blankets seemed to work…wait….he hadn't grabbed any blankets the night before…

More than a little scared, Vaan remained perfectly still and slowly opened his eyes. For a second he felt relief to see he was still in his room aboard the Strahl, but panic began to sneak up again when he realized there was some sort weight on his back…a rather large weight…a rather large human sized shape…..with a rather uncomfortable….something poking into him…it felt…rather bulgy…

Vaan shifted a bit, trying to figure out what he could possibly be feeling. When the realization suddenly hit him, Vaan jumped out of bed with the loudest scream possible. Waking up from the sudden loss of the warmest and most comfortable pillow he'd ever had, Balthier grumbled and sat up on the bed.

"Whuh?" the sky pirate asked, reaching up to scratch his head. Clearly, he wasn't fully awake yet.

"What are you doing here?!" Vaan yelled at him. He had backed all the way one to the other side of the room, as far from his bed as possible.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? This is my room." Balthier said, yawning and blinking at Vaan, "…Why are you here?"

"Because it's not your room! It's my room!" Vaan shouted.

"…No…" Balthier told him, looking around. "It's mine…I distinctly remember going to my room after marking my maps…I can't be in your room…the leading man never makes mistakes…"

"I doubt it's a mistake." Vaan grumbled.

"What?"

"Admit it! You came here last night to molest me!" Vaan suddenly accused him.

"Molest you?!" Balthier shouted back. "Where is that coming from?!"

"The hard on in your pants!"

Silence fell over the two at that moment as Balthier took a moment to finally fully wake up and look at his crotch.

"…Ah…hello there…" Balthier said, it seemed, to the muscle between his legs.

"See?!" Vaan said. "You were rubbing up against me when I woke up!"

"Was not!" Balthier yelled.

"How would you know?! You were asleep!"

"I…I just wasn't!" Balthier said. "You must have been wiggling around!"

"Was not!" Vaan lied.

"Well how do you explain this then?" Balthier said, motioning to the very obvious bulge.

"You're a pervert." Vaan said.

"No. If I was a pervert," Balthier explained, "I would be asking you to come over and take care of it right now."

"…Are you?" Vaan asked.

"…Hypothetically speaking, if I did, would you?"

Once again, there was an awkward silence as the question hung between the two.

Finally, "…You really are a pervert," Vaan answered.

"I said hypothetically!" Balthier defended himself.

"Just get out!" Vaan yelled.

"And if I don't?" Balthier asked.

"I'll get Ashe and Fran." Vaan threatened. So, with a sigh, Balthier was forced to leave before the little rat used the emotions of women against him. Still grumbling, the sky pirate made the walk back to his room and opened the door. On his bed, apparently waiting for his return, was Fran.

"Another failed attempt?" she asked him, standing up.

"I honestly have no clue what you could be talking about Fran." Balthier a told her, stretching on his bed with a yawn, tiredness once again taking its hold on him.

"Of course you don't." Fran told him, leaving the room as Balthier drifted back off to sleep.


	2. Power Outage

That's right. I'm adding a second chapter. And there will be a third one after this! Mesma wrote three chapters of the fan fic I requested, so she gets three chapters of the fanfic she requested. I think i actually came up with a pretty nice and funny plot for this to follow. Hopefully you'll all find out how it ends soon =D

I do not own Final Fantasy 12 or any characters in this fan fiction.

* * *

Something wasn't right when Vaan awoke the next morning. It was dark…too dark…of course, it was usually dark when they stayed aboard the Strahl. The living quarters had no access to natural light, but did each have one electrical light. Each of these lights was set to turn on at a specific time in the morning so everyone was up at the same time and ready to go.

There seemed to be something wrong today, however, as the lights did not appear to be working. It was so dark that Vaan could barely make out the hand in front of his face…wait…his hand was under the covers…something was definitely in front of his face, though…something round….it seemed to belong to some moving figure….and was moving closer all the time…

And then Vaan screamed. Or he tried to. The scream was cut off by Balthier attempting to clamp his hand over the young rat's mouth to silence him. He succeeded, but not without somehow managing to pin Vaan to the bed in the process.

"So you _are_ awake," was all the sky pirate said, giving no explanation for why he was in Vaan's room or why they were currently in bed together again. Vaan's only response was to glare at the older man and attempt to push him off, earning a, "Fine, fine. Just shut up." Again, Vaan only glared as Balthier removed his hand. He did not however, remove himself from the boy's bed.

"Rapist," Vaan accused as soon as he was able to talk.

"And where is that coming from?" Balthier inquired.

"Well you're sneaking in here, pinning me to my bed, and trying to make sure I don't scream for help while you _rape me_."

This accusation was followed by silence, and then laughter, "What an imagination you have."

"Why else would you be here?" Vaan yelled at him, his face turning bright red from being laughed at.

"I told you to shut up-" Balthier tried to repeat, but was interrupted by Vaan.

"Because you want to rape me."

"Because everyone else is asleep, you crazy little rat." Balthier snapped at him. "Now do you want to know why I'm here or not? And it is not to rape you. Trust me; I could get plenty of other men and women who would be more skilled than you in bed without having to rape them."

"Are you saying I'm not good enough?" When these words reached Balthier's ears he had to pause and process them.

"…Do you want to be good enough?" He inquired of the boy, who did still happen to be trapped beneath his body at the moment…

"Hell no!"

"Shut up then!" Balthier almost yelled himself out of exasperation, and mentally reflected on what had brought him to kid's room. He had to want it really badly to be here a second night…no, he didn't want it. He _needed_ it. With a deep breath, Balthier quieted himself and said, "I need you to help me fix the lights, Vaan."

"Fix the lights?" It was hard to miss the suspicious tone in Vaan's voice.

"Yes. Have you noticed they're not on yet?" Balthier asked, not being able to resist adding in just a hint of sarcasm. "That's why it's so dark in here."

"Really?" Vaan sent his own little bit of sarcasm back at the pirate. "I hadn't noticed."

"Yes. Now get up and come with me." And Balthier finally removed himself from the young man's bed to allow Vaan to get up. He went straight to the door, where he checked to make sure Vaan was following. He wasn't. Vaan was still lying on his bed, staring at Balthier and trying to decide if following him into what was probably an even darker area of the ship was really a good idea.

"What?" Balthier asked him, "Disappointed I didn't actually rape you? I told you, I have higher standards. Now come on." And with an impatient gesture, Balthier continued to lead the way out. Vaan wasn't sure how following Balthier into the dark depths of the airship while everyone was asleep and where he would probably be even more vulnerable was going to prove he didn't want to be raped, but he chose to follow the pirate nonetheless.

Vaan made it very clear he did not trust Balthier at all as the two ventured further into the ship. Balthier kept insisting Vaan walk ahead of him, using the excuse that they were heading to a more hazardous area and he didn't trust Vaan not to get them blown up. Vaan, however, only believed Balthier wanted to be able to sneak up on him when the pirate finally attempted his rape. This resulted in what could have been a never ending war between the two, except Balthier finally succeeded in trapping Vaan in front of him and forcing the boy to walk. Vaan did so, but not without constantly glancing at Balthier over his should to ensure he would behave.


	3. Franklin

Final chapter of the fic!...maybe...possibly...most likely for now...

I was tempted recently to write a fourth chapter as a little flashback thing about Franklin and Balthier and what happened to cause all this, however I'm not feeling to up to a fourth chapter right now. Maybe sometime in the future if I really feel like it/you guys say you'd be interested in reading it.

This one is much longer than the last, I believe! And I am so proud of it! Hopefully everyone finds it as funny as I do. =)

I do not own FF12 or any of its characters.

* * *

Balthier and Vaan continued their excursion into the depths of the Strahl for a bit of time, and as Vaan had expected the ship began to get darker as they went. Considering the situation he was in, with a rapist named Balthier walking not too far behind, Vaan began to feel incredibly uncomfortable. This feeling only increased as Vaan realized it was pitch black and he could see even less than he had been able to in his own room.

"Are we almost there?" Vaan finally asked, stopping where he was. "We can't even see anything. How are we supposed to fix the lights if we can't see?"

"Oh, I'm able to work just fine in the dark," Balthier said, which only made Vaan even more afraid of what would happen in the dark than he already was, "Now move. I'll tell you when we arrive." Not really giving Vaan any choice on if he wanted to continue or not, Balthier nudged the boy forward to keep him moving. Every time Vaan got too nervous to continue Balthier would repeat this gesture, getting a bit more aggressive each time.

Finally, Balthier's hand reached out and, instead of pushing him, grabbed onto Vaan's arm in order to stop him.

"Here's good." He told the young boy. 'Here' was pitch black as far as Vaan could tell.

"Here?" Vaan exclaimed, and Balthier did not insist he shut up this time. "You can't see anything here! How are we supposed to fix the lights if there aren't any lights to begin with?"

Suddenly, Vaan felt himself pinned against the wall of the ship with the now almost familiar warmth that accompanied Balthier's body. A second later, the boy tensed as he felt Balthier's breathe against his ear.

"We're not fixing any lights," the pirate told him quietly. Vaan opened his mouth to scream was would probably have been "rape", but Balthier clamped a hand over his mouth like he had earlier, "None of that now. You have something I want. And you are going to give it to me."

_My virginity_, Vaan thought, staring at Balthier with fear in his eyes now that the dreaded act seemed to be at hand. Then, Vaan felt Balthier's breath yet again as the pirate whispered a single question.

"Where is Franklin?"

It took a few minutes for what Balthier said to really reach Vaan's ears, and then the meaning behind his words finally hit. Vaan would have asked for a clarification, but was unable to due to the hand covering his mouth. So the thief settled for giving Balthier a very confused look.

"Don't give me that look," The pirate told him, "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Vaan quickly shook his head.

"I am going to remove my hand," Balthier told him, now sounding close to threatening. "And you will tell me where to find Franklin."

Once his hand was gone, the first words out of Vaan's mouth were, "Did you name my virginity?"

"That's ridiculous. I did not name your virgi-…You're a virgin?" Balthier asked, completely distracted by this new piece of information.

"N-…y-…That is not the point of this conversation!" Vaan yelled, desperately trying to avoid the question. "If you didn't bring me here to rape me then why are we here?"

"I told you, I want Franklin," Balthier repeated simply.

"Who the hell is Franklin?"

"My teddy bear!"

Vaan was suddenly very happy Balthier had brought him down here into the dark depths of the Strahl to question him about this Franklin. If there had been lights, Balthier would have been able to see the huge smile that was gracing Vaan's face. Lights were not needed, however, for Balthier to hear the snickering that came from his young captive.

"You have a teddy bear?" Vaan asked through his laughter, "The great leading man has a teddy bear? Let me guess, you sleep with him?"

"Don't laugh! There is nothing shameful about it!" Balthier defended himself.

"For a two year old!" Vaan said, close to tears. After a few minutes he managed to calm down and finally wiped his eyes as he said, "Wait…wait…Don't tell me your stupid teddy bear is the reason why you've been doing all this."

"He is not stupid!" Balthier yelled, glad for the darkness surrounding them as he was probably bright red by now. "And yes it is! I have been trying to detective work to uncover what you've done with my poor little Franky, but you keep waking up and-Hey! What is so funny now?"

As soon as Vaan had heard 'poor little Franky', Vaan had been lost in fresh waves of laughter.

"So…so the night I woke up and you were spooning me?" he managed to say, new tears spilling from his eyes.

"I had intended to search the confines of your bed to see if you were keeping Franky there, perhaps making him sleep with you-" This was met with more snorts of laughter at the jealousy that now entered Balthier's voice, "-But you started wiggling before I could complete the search and I had to make a suitable cover story."

"And now tonight?" Vaan couldn't help grinning as he waited for Balthier's explanation.

"I had intended to continue my search of your room, but once again you awoke before I could even get started," Balthier told him, "What is wrong with your internal clock?"

"Absolutely nothing, you weirdo," Vaan answered, "Let me guess, you changed the light settings so I wouldn't wake up at the usual time, didn't you?"

"No," Balthier admitted, "The lights were just a very useful coincidence. Now, where is he?"

"I don't have your stupid bear!" Vaan told him.

"The day before yesterday, I _tried_ to get ready for bed," Balthier suddenly said, slightly confusing Vaan with where this story was going, "However, when I went to grab Franklin and tuck him into bed with me-" Vaan lost it again here "-he was missing!" Now, Balthier started glaring at Vaan even though the boy was unable to see it, "And there is only one person on this ship who would steal anything from me: you!"

"You think I'd steal _a stuffed bear_?" Vaan asked, unable to believe his ears, "That's so stupid!"

"If you didn't take him then who did?" Balthier demanded to know.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask Penelo, or Ashe, or Fran?" Vaan suggested, "You know, women. People who are supposed to love cute stuffed animals."

"They're not known thieves," Balthier dismissed his suggestion.

"….Really?"

"Yes."

"None of them?"

"None."

"So Fran is not your partner in crime and does not have a history of thievery similar to your own?"

This statement was followed by a silence in which Balthier seemed to have an epiphany: Fran had never liked Franklin. She had always told Balthier that sky pirates should not own stuffed animals. He had always assumed her attitude came from jealousy. After all, Franklin got to sleep with Balthier every night, and Fran did not. And Balthier had even told Vaan many other men and women would be perfectly willing to join him in bed. The pirate had long suspected Fran of being one of those women.

After a while, Vaan got tired of the silence, and also a little concerned. He was beginning to wonder if Balthier had exploded or something after going for so long without his precious teddy.

"Balthier?" Vaan asked, but once again all he got was silence, "Balthier?" Then, the young thief realized there was a definite lack of body heat radiating from where Balthier should have been. A quick feel around his surroundings revealed that the pirate was nowhere near him. Confused as to what happened to him, and a bit concerned for Balthier and his mental state, Vaan began walking off in search of him. He didn't pause until he realized it was still pitch black and he had no idea if he was going the right way or not.

Balthier, meanwhile, had gone in search of his right hand viera. He found Fran in her own room, and she was awake. Once again, she was sitting on her bed and apparently waiting for Balthier, with a slight smirk on her face. Her vieran senses had allowed Fran to hear every part of Balthier's and Vaan's conversation.

"He thought you wanted to rape him?" She asked, amused by what she had just heard.

"You have him, don't you?" Balthier asked her, completely ignoring Fran's own question. In answer, the viera held up a very soft and fluffy stuffed bear.

"I've told you before: sky pirates don't need teddy bears," she told him.

"Give it to me, Fran," Balthier ordered, holding out his hand to take the stuffed hostage.

"It won't help for you to have it," Fran told him, "You need to get over the dependency you have on this fluffy little creature.

"Fran, I want Franklin back, or else," Balthier told her, attempting to sound threatening. His tone had absolutely no effect on Fran, however, as she nearly fell prey to the same laughter as Vaan. After a few seconds, she tossed the bear back at Balthier.

"Fine. It'd be terrible if you really did end up raping Vaan over this, anyway," she couldn't help saying, only causing Balthier to glare at her and turn an even brighter red than he had while talking to Vaan.


	4. Fran and Franklin

Ah, yes. What exactly happened with Franklin? You will now find out.

I do not own FF12 or the characters from the game. I own Franklin though.

* * *

_Enough is enough_, Fran thought. She currently stood in the doorway of Balthier's room. The pirate was busy tucking a fluffy stuffed bear into bed and so didn't notice the Viera standing at his door.

* * *

That fluffy little thing (which was named Franklin) had been the bane of Fran's existence since she'd joined up with the sky pirate. When she first met the creature she was positive Balthier had to be joking. It had been bedtime, just like this, and she'd gone to Balthier's room to ask him a question. What she saw was exactly what was presently before her: Balthier tucking Franklin into bed.

Confused, Fran hadn't said anything and just waited for Balthier to notice she was there. She wasn't exactly sure how she was supposed to react to seeing him playing with something that was so childish. Eventually Balthier had turned around and excitedly introduced Fran to Franklin. Balthier told her Franklin was his "bestest friend" and he could never sleep without the bear. Not for Balthier's sake, though. Leading men didn't have to sleep with teddy bears. The teddy bear had to sleep with the leading man. You see, Franklin was afraid of the dark.

Well, that was all it took for Fran to be convinced that Balthier was crazy. He only seemed to be crazy where Franklin was concerned, though. Whenever the bear was out of sight the sky pirate was perfectly normal and grown up. After a few months of partnership, Fran made a proposition.

"Balthier," she'd said while they got ready to leave one morning, "We need to talk."

"We need to talk?" Balthier asked her, knowing that question was never followed by anything good. This was mostly because he'd said the exact same thing to many women in the past. "…Now Fran, just because we are in a business relationship that does not mean we are in a personal relationship."

"I know that," Fran sighed, "We need to talk about Franklin."

"Ah, Franklin," Fran could have sworn Balthier got a dreamy look on his face, but she wasn't sure and she hoped she was wrong. "He's wonderful, isn't he? Best friend a pirate could have."

"He has to go," the viera told him.

"…what?" Balthier had frozen and was giving Fran a look that said he thought she was off her rocker. "Go? ...You must be joking."

"I'm not. Sky pirates do not need to sleep with fluffy stuffed animals."

"I don't need to sleep with him! He needs to sleep with me! I've told you that before." He was getting defensive now, so Fran decided to drop the issue. She did not forget about Franklin, though. Soon Balthier was taking the animal everywhere, it seemed. It was in his lap while he flew, he took it in the bathroom with him, and Fran soon discovered Franklin even had his own seat for dinner.

That was just too much.

Fran soon began plotting the demise of Franklin, and one day she finally had her chance to get rid of the bear for good. Balthier had left the door to his room open, so Fran snuck in and kidnapped Franklin.

That night, she thought Balthier would just about die. He panicked for a little bit, and then he blamed Vaan. Fran almost corrected him, but then decided against it. This could get very entertaining. She knew was right after she heard about Balthier's first attempt to search Vaan's room. He failed, but it was daytime and Vaan had almost caught Balthier while he was returning to his room.

When it was time for bed, Fran left Balthier plotting his next attempt to rescue Franklin. She went to her own room where she had left the bear on the bedside table. There was no danger of Balthier discovering it there. He was so set on Vaan being the thief that he wouldn't blame anyone, plus he would never dare search Fran's room without her knowledge.

A smile came across her face once she saw Franklin and thought of Balthier's current state. The creature was good for something then. Fran went through her normal bedtime routine, climbed into bed, and then turned to the side and saw Franklin. He did look particularly soft now that she really looked at him…so Fran reached out and touched the bear to see how soft he was. Franklin was extremely soft, and soon he was cuddled up in Fran's arms as she drifted off to sleep.

The next night sounded like it would be enjoyable indeed. Balthier shared his plan with his right hand Viera, and Fran decided she would wait up to see if it actually worked. So while Balthier was in Vaan's room, Fran was in Balthier's awaiting the results. Finally, the pirate entered and he looked as unsuccessful as Fran had expected.

"Another failed attempt?" she asked, trying not to smirk and give herself away.

"I honestly have no clue what you could be talking about Fran." Balthier told her, denying the truth as he climbed into bed.

"Of course you don't." Fran told him, and she quickly left the room before she couldn't hold back her amusement anymore. And again, she saw Franklin by her bed as she entered. Embarassment came over Fran as she remembered falling prey to the cuteness last night. It would be different tonight, though. She got ready for bed, tucked herself in, and then turned to face away from the teddy bear. That had been her downfall last night, so if she didn't look at the thing it wouldn't affect her.

Fran was wrong. The harder she tried to ignore the bear, the more she wanted to turn around and take it into her arms. Finally, the urge was too much. The viera turned over to look at the bear, and she glared at it. The glare soon softened, and Franklin was once again in her arms.

The next night she sat on her bed listening to the argument that was taking place deep within the Strahl. Vaan had been expecting Balthier to rape him the whole time, and if that hadn't been funny enough the little thief now knew about Franklin. Fran was having such a hard time keeping in her laughter that she didn't even try to resist.

Then she heard her name. Balthier was on his way, she knew he was. Her laughter stopped immediately and Fran looked down into her lap. Franklin had once again enchanted his way into her arms. If Balthier caught her like this Fran would never hear the end of it. She didn't have too much time, but at least when Balthier marched into her room she managed to move Franklin behind her back and there was no sign she'd been holding him at all.

"He thought you wanted to rape him?" She asked, the amusement coming back now that the threat of getting caught was gone.

"You have him, don't you?"Balthier asked, and she heard the worry in his voice overcoming the anger Balthier tried to put there. Now Fran reached behind her and pulled out Franklin.

"I've told you before: sky pirates don't need teddy bears," She simply said.

"Give it to me, Fran," Balthier ordered, holding out his hand to take the stuffed hostage.

"It won't help for you to have it," Fran told him, "You need to get over the dependency you have on this fluffy little creature."

"Fran, I want Franklin back, or else," Balthier told her, attempting to sound threatening. All he did was manage to amuse Fran even more, and make her feel a little sorry for him. She even felt a little pity for him.

"Fine. It'd be terrible if you really did end up raping Vaan over this, anyway," she couldn't help teasing him as she tossed the bear back. Once the bear was back in his possession, Balthier exited the room and once he was gone Fran tried to convince herself that was not missing a fluffy little teddy bear named Franklin.


End file.
